Let Go and Let God

Michiana Christian Service Camp this year was a much different experience than any other time I had gone in the past.
This year, I was faculty. I was a camp counselor. I wasn't a camper this year, I was a leader. And it was one of the most nerve-racking experiences I've had in a while.  I was a 20 year old who looked like a 15 year old. Therefore, the campers didn't exactly respect me much the first day. Which is totally understandable. They didn't realize that I was going into my third year of college, and that if they allowed me, I could help them with a lot of stuff based on my past experiences.

The theme of the week was "Our Story" and for the first night the campers were instructed to draw on a small quilt square, things that defined them. Sports, family, friends, hobbies, etc. 

One thing that I noticed a lot of campers had drawn were broken hearts or the words "Broken" on their quilt squares. They may have only drawn 4 or 5 things on this small quilt square, but they had made sure to draw that broken heart. 

And for these kids, a break-up was what defined them. It made me remember my time in high school where I had had my heart broken and it made me think about how much I felt that that had defined who I was. A messy break-up was who you were and there was no escaping it. I had so many opportunities this week to talk with campers who were broken. And it was amazing for me to see God work in their lives this week and transform their hearts.
I can only hope they carried what they learned this week at camp back into their daily lives. 

Something that I learned this week was through a Divine Intervention. I can't imagine how my week would have gone if this hadn't occurred. I started my week on Saturday with a Faculty Training session. The campers weren't arriving until Sunday night, and on Saturday, I felt like a child. Faculty that had been doing this for years knew that I was a newbie, and wanted nothing more than to help me find my way. I was super resistant of their help all Saturday night. Someone would hug me and I would clamp up. Someone would start explaining something that "they learned their first year" and I would zone out. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to learn things on my own without anyone's help.

After Faculty Training was over, I got in the car with one of my friends and he asked me how I was feeling so far. I knew I could be honest with him so I let him know.

I said "I feel like everyone is babying me. I feel like everyone wants to hold my hand and walk me through this, and they don't understand that I got this. I can do it by myself. I know what I'm doing. I can..." 

And before I could finish, he interrupted me and said,

"You are WAY too independent." 

I stared at him in disbelief, because I thought I could be vulnerable around him and tell him how I was really feeling. He repeated himself after I didn't say anything and just stared.

"You are way too independent. Don't you realize that this is your FIRST WEEK as faculty, and people are trying to help you find your way. You don't know everything. And you can't be independent on a faculty team. We're a team." 

I was sooo mad at him for saying that. But later throughout the week, I started seeking faculty members who knew what they were doing and asking them for help and guidance. If my friend hadn't said that to me, I honestly don't think that I would have had a very good experience at camp. 

And to end on a good note, one of my favorite things about camp was waking up and spending my coffee time with Jesus 

(And Lord knows I needed that coffee time everyday; I was absolutely exhausted).

Worshiping, reading the Bible, or even just talking with friends. I had one of the best weeks I've had in a while, and it was all because He was at the center of it.

I can't wait to do it all over again in 2 weeks! 

Stay Beautiful! <3 

Face-To-Facebook

Okay. We've all been there.

Wake up. Scroll through Facebook. Find absurd thing that So-and-so posted. Screenshot. Send via text to friend with the caption "I'm sorry...WTF?" 

Today was graduation for my little sister. One thing that I noticed while I was there was that I "knew" a lot of the people graduating. No, not personally have I ever had a face to face conversation with them, but perhaps they saw me in a Musical when I was in High School or just knew of me because of my sister. Either way, these people added me on Facebook and now I know a lot about them just by scrolling through my newsfeed everyday. Which is weird.

Do you remember when we were little and the Internet was yet to be a thing? If you wanted to get to know me, you had to talk to me. You had to physically make your way up to me and say "Hey, I'm friends with your sister, my name is Sarah." Or if you found me attractive, instead of just "liking" all of my pictures without ever having a single conversation with me, you'd have to build up the courage to walk up to me and say "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're really pretty." 

OH, HOW I WISH THAT WAS STILL A THING. I wish boys had to come up and talk to me rather than stalk my Facebook to figure out who I am. Facebook doesn't do me justice. I'm a lot more than a person who has witty statuses now and then.

Another thing with Facebook is that I know every relationship you've been in. Ever. Even that one week relationship you thought was going to last but didn't. I know about it because it showed up on my newsfeed. Facebook is supposed to make us "more connected" with others from our past and present. But you know what it does?

It does succeed at making me "more connected" in the sense that I do know every little thing about you from what you wore yesterday based off your picture, to what you had for breakfast this morning based off your most recent status OOGLING over how good your pancakes were.

But what it doesn't do, is make me want to talk to you in public. Today at graduation, I passed a lot of past classmates. And I had zero desire to go and speak with them. Not because I didn't care, but because my conversations would almost be creepy because I'd constantly already know all of the answers to my questions.

"How is your summer?" 
(ahh shoot, just kidding, I read last week that you got a summer internship so you'll be heading up to Michigan this coming Tuesday)
"How's the family?" 
(just kidding, I know that your grandma had surgery last week and that your dad lost his job) 
"How's school?" 
(Yeaaaah, I know you got a 3.5 GPA this past semester and you're really looking forward to next year) 

I love Facebook because it does keep me connected and up-to-date on what people are doing. In person though, we almost seem disconnected and out of touch with reality. How do we fix this?

Something to think about I guess.

Stay Beautiful <3