Dear Mom

Tonight,  I had a super humbling experience.

In my town, school, life - I'm known as the baby whisperer. Any baby, anywhere, anytime, I can calm down. with EASE.

Most days, I take this little gift for granted. When I see a baby crying, I almost take it as a competition for myself to see how quickly I can calm him/her down. But today...today, there was absolutely nothing I could do.

It was a regular night at the nursery. Me and the baby were having a fabulous time playing with blocks, laughing and smiling and learning how to walk. Then, all of a sudden, she started wailing. Screaming at the top of her lungs and just bawling her eyes out. So I picked her up and started to hop her up and down as I walked because this is usually a method that works pretty well. Nothing. So I grabbed her pacifier. Nothing. She was screaming so loudly that it was hurting my ears. I was feeling defeated. We texted her mom and her mom came in and as I handed the squealing baby over, she immediately rested her head on her mom's shoulder and started quieting down. 

And it dawned on me. 

Sometimes you just need your momma.

I may be a baby whisperer and have a huge passion for children, but there's some things that only your momma can help with.

I've found myself in these positions lately even as a 21 year old. So many times this semester already, have I had to call my mom and she's said just the right things that no one else could have said. Or if they did, they wouldn't have meant as much. Her love, guidance, support, and encouragement for me is constant. She is my constant and my best friend and I'm so glad that God blessed me with her to be my mom. 

"She speaks with wisdom, and faithful instruction is on her tongue. She watches over the affairs of the household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her: "Many women do noble things, but you surpass them all."" - Proverbs 31:26-29

Love you mom! 

Simplify

I have a lot of stuff.

My closet is so big that at home I have to take up an entire closet in the office to fit all of my extra clothes. I have a "winter" and a "summer" wardrobe which takes up my entire closet each season.
I have 20 scarves, numerous amounts of shoes and jeans, and too many t-shirts to count.

I have a lot of stuff.

When I'm happy and am headed out for a fun date, what do I want to do before? I want to go buy a new outfit.

I have a lot of stuff.

When I lose a few pounds, what do I want to do to celebrate? I want to go buy a new outfit.

I have a lot of stuff.

Why though? Why all of this stuff? What is this going to do for me when my life ends? If I were to die tomorrow what would people say about me? "She sure left behind a lot of STUFF." That's what they'd say.

It's been said to me before that girls dress for girls. And this could NOT be more true! I can wrestle myself to death with what I'm going to wear out to a date, and in the end...if he's a gentleman and a really good guy, the guy I should be looking for to marry, he's going to like ME.

He's not going to care about the tight strapless bra I'm wearing to hide underneath my tank top that shows underneath my cardigan. He's not going to care about my uncomfortable shoes I'm wearing because it was the only thing that matched the stripes in my sweater. He's not going to care about the fact that I had to change out of my comfy jeans because they had a tiny rip at the bottom and put on my skin-tight, super uncomfortable jeans. He's not going to care, and neither should you.

I think everyone gets so focused with what people will think about them if they wear this or that, and honestly, people see you and then forget about you once you walk away. I can't tell you what half the people I passed today were wearing. But probably 75% of them REALLY stressed out this morning trying to figure out what to wear for church.

Dress for YOU. Instead of worrying about your outward appearance, we need to clothe ourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Because in the end, THESE are what matter. These are things that people remember.

Were you compassionate towards them when they needed a shoulder to cry on?
Were you kind and smiled whenever you saw them in the hall?
Were you humble?
Were you gentle with the words you chose in stressful times?
Were you patient when they needed someone to just listen?

Or were you too busy focusing on yourself? Too busy focusing on if they're noticing the rip in your belt, or the small mustard stain on your chest? I know I've  been guilty of this far too many times.

These are the things that Jesus asks of us. I read a book recently where a man talked about making lots of money and how he lived in a such a beautiful big house and one day decided that he and his wife and two kids could live comfortably in a smaller house.  They could then use the extra money they made to donate to those who couldn't afford such an easy lifestyle. And I thought to myself, if God ever called me to give up the things of this earth and follow him...would I be able to do that?

So I've started to make a change. I do like my stuff, but I want to be clothed with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience instead. So I gave away half of my scarves. I threw away the clothes I didn't need. I tossed the t-shirts that weren't necessary. And I've officially been on a shopping fast for the last month.

I don't NEED new clothes.
I WANT new clothes.
But I WANT Jesus more.

Stay beautiful <3

"Jesus answered, "if you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in Heaven. Then come, follow me." - Matthew 19:21

Yours Ways Are Greater, God.

This weekend, my family will officially be moving into our new home. It's overwhelming, honestly. I've called this home my "home" since I was 3 years old. Forever, basically. It's bittersweet because I know this is what is best for us.
After a lot of prayer and guidance, everything- from selling our house, to buying our new house just fell into place really smoothly.
Am I sad? A little bit. I definitely cried when I left home to come to college this year because I knew it was the last time I'd be leaving "home." It'll definitely be weird to come home during breaks to a place that isn't technically my "home." But I know, after some time, it'll feel normal again. And I'm 21 years old...Hopefully in the next 5 years I'll have my own home.

One thing that I think I'm coming to terms with is the fact that I don't control my life. God does. And that, if you know me, has taken A LOT for me to be able to do. To sit back when things don't exactly go my way, and say "Not my ways, but Yours." It's really been difficult, but in that I have been able to find peace.
Just the THOUGHT of giving my life over to God completely made me extremely anxious. Even sometimes nauseous. I would give Him a little piece of my life as if He was a baby that I was trying to feed grown-up food to and saying "Here, chew on this for a little bit and then you can have more when I say so." 
When I was only giving him little parts of myself, it was hurting Him and I both. He wanted ALL of me, and I was uncomfortable only giving him little pieces. The peace that I get now when I realize that He is in control is indescribable. There's an overwhelming sense of hope that I get when things don't go as I had originally planned. Because the first thing I think of is, "If THIS wasn't what He wanted...I can't even fathom what He's going to give me instead because I KNOW and I TRUST that it's going to be better than what I had wanted at that particular moment."

Something I know a lot of high school and college students struggle with is giving God control over their relationships. I have struggled with that too (and sometimes still do). For the longest time, I was dating a guy who wasn't right for me in any way, shape, or form. But I wanted him SO bad. I wanted us to work. And the kind of emotional attachment I had with him was something I thought no one could live up to. And it's taken me some time, but I'm now seeing that even when you think you have it all figured out and it doesn't work in your favor, God's going to trump whatever you thought was perfect and give you something even better.
So basically, I think my overall goal of this post was to encourage you. If things aren't going your way, or if you're feeling overwhelmed by school, work, or relationships. Be content. Because God's plan for your life is amazing. And if you're completely happy with your life right now. Revel in that. But remember that if things turn south soon...it's only going to become BETTER than what your originally had. I've quoted this verse in another blog post before, but it still reigns true in this instance as well.

""For My thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways My ways," declares the Lord. "As the Heavens are higher than the Earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, and My thoughts than your thoughts."" - Isaiah 55:8

http://youtu.be/TAPpunj-dMM
Be Still - Bethel Music

"Stop thinking so much
and just let go

Be still my soul and rest
Humbly I confess,
in my weakness your strength is perfect

For You alone are God, there will be no other
And You have won my heart more than any other
So I will give it all 'cause you gave it all for me"

No Need To Fix What God Has Already Put His Paintbrush On

Self-esteem is something that is really focused on in psychology. Self-esteem is the overall emotion that one feels about one's self-worth. Most people when talking about self-esteem usually connect the words "high self-esteem" for people who are really confident, and "low self-esteem" for people who don't value their self-worth. But I think there's more to the eye than just high and low self-esteem.

For teenage girls, self-esteem can be a daily, or even hourly, struggle. One day you could walk out the door with your hair looking fly, your underroos matching, and your favorite pair of shorts on to make you feel extra fresh. And then you walk into the school, or mall, or restaurant and your self-esteem either increases or decreases depending on the others around you. No one even has to say anything to you.
But if everyone else is looking extra cute around you and you feel like you just rolled out of bed, self-esteem DOWN. 
If you walk into Walmart at half past 1 AM, self-esteem UP. 

And don't even get me started if people make a comment to you.
"What time did you get up today?"
(Oh my gosh, why are they asking that? Is it because I didn't put eyeliner on? Did I forget to brush my hair? Why do they think I just rolled out of bed? I actually spent an hour getting ready this morning.) 
It could be for no reason at all. They're just making conversation. But we immediately think it has to do with our appearance or that they're judging us on some level.

One thing that I've noticed about our generation is that it's so easy to complain about our life or how things aren't going the way we planned, over Facebook or Twitter. Posting pictures of ourselves saying "I look so ugly today" or tweets that say "I might as well give up because I seriously can't find a boyfriend" 

These are not positive messages. These are not going to help you find someone. Until you find self-worth in yourself, no one else is going to either. They need to see YOU loving YOU before they decide they want to as well.

Have you ever met someone that is ridiculously confident (but in a non-cocky way) and you think to yourself, "Wow, she is just glowing with confidence. She knows what she wants and she goes for it." That's the kind of person we should strive for. Confidence is radiant. It literally sets you apart from others. It puts a smile on others faces when they see a confident person doing what she wants and loving life.
Now how about when you see the girl that constantly puts herself out on Twitter as the girl who can't eat anything because she's obviously "too fat" or always talks about how she wishes the boys would notice her.
What comes to mind when you see those posts? "Aw." 
"Aw." in a really sad puppy kind of "aw." It's sad. Until we start to value who WE are, no one else will.

It's okay to have a day where you're just not feeling life. To just sit in your jammies all day and eat ice cream straight out of the carton. It's okay to just sprawl out on the couch and watch as many episodes of Jersey Shore as humanly possible because it makes you feel better about your life. THAT'S OKAY. Just don't constantly put it on social media about how bad your life is. People follow you on Twitter or Facebook because they appreciate you. They like you. They value your life enough to want to hear about it on a daily basis in 140 characters on Twitter. So make it worth their while.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

STAY Beautiful <3

iLove. iPray. iServe.

Back from week two at Michiana Christian Service Camp. This past week was a much different experience than what week one was like for me. I was confident. I knew that I could lead these kids, God willing. I was excited for what God was going to let me teach these kids!

Little did I know...that He would be teaching me more than I was teaching them.

This summer, almost all of my friends are either out of town living life, or are too busy. Which is perfectly fine, and totally normal for college kids. But most of my summer is being spent at home. Besides the two weeks I got to spend at Michiana.

So God has constantly been teaching me that I can do my life by myself. I can go to Walmart by myself, and nobody is going to be judging me that I'm alone. You know why? Because everyone at Walmart is not worried about everyone else. They're worried about where they can find the hair brush they bought two years ago and are wondering if it's still there.

On a different but completely related note, I truly think that before you can find a significant other, you need to be able to hold your own, being single, for quite some time. Because until you're comfortable being alone with yourself, you're never going to be able to be comfortable with yourself with someone else. That just takes it to a whole new level.

So this summer, I've been alone at home. Working, which I am now realizing that if I had all of my friends home like I have in the past, I wouldn't be working as much as I am. I wouldn't be willing to pick up people's shifts. Which is awesome that this is all happening like this because I really need money this summer to save up for the following school year.

God is SO good. 

So I realized all of this at camp this past week. Awesome. 

I also realized that my lack of physical touch towards people is extreme.
I'm not a very open person. I've crossed my arms ever since I can remember. And my family has tried to break me of this. But I don't cross my arms because I'm upset or being rude. I cross them because I'm comfortable.
And because it's a way for me to be closed off, and that,
hopefully, if I'm lucky, no one will approach me for a hug.

I was made fun of so much by my fellow faculty members because I cannot stand being hugged.
And at first, I was really upset that they were all going out of their way to hug me. Because I felt like since I told them, then they would stop. But they took it as an opportunity. An opportunity to help me see that nothing is wrong with hugs. And that sometimes, we need it. 


So I was discussing all of this with my dad yesterday morning. And he came up with a brilliant idea.
He told me,

"Jessica. Why don't you just imagine everyone as babies? When you hold a baby, you become a new person. Your face lights up, and there's nothing in this world that could tear you away from that baby. If the baby spits up on you, you're still smiling because you know that that baby can't help it. If the baby smiles, you smile even bigger. If the baby laughs, you laugh. There's something about a baby's innocence, that if you could just see that in other people, it would help you to relax, and be a more open and accepting individual."



Uh hello...Jesus. This is totally and completely what I needed to hear after coming back from camp. Because my dad is so right. I will go to the ends of the Earth to hold a child if that's what it takes. At camp, there was a baby that did not like to be held by anyone other than mom or dad, but you betcha I took every opportunity I could to try and bond with that baby even if he was kicking in screaming.
Why can't I show that kind of love to teenagers and adults? 



I also drove 45 minutes yesterday after coming home from camp to go see a newborn baby, 5 pounds of pure adorableness, and I've never been more awake and excited as I was then. I was so happy to be holding that baby and could have probably sat there with her for hours. Why can't I sit down with teens or adults and have that same kind of love, compassion, and alertness with them? 






I have never had such a powerful week, of seeing and hearing God consistently throughout my life. He is opening up doors for me that I never thought would open, and is constantly showing me his grace and mercy.

Stay Beautiful <3

Right Down The Middle

This past weekend I had the privilege of spending two days with my three best friends from college! This summer, with all of our crazy schedules with work, family, and distance - there was only one weekend that worked out for the four of us. Right smack in the middle of summer break. June 29-July 1. I probably won't see them again until September, but I'm so glad I got to see them even if it was for only two days. I cannot wait to live with Lacey (See top picture) this next semester. She is so fantastic, and we have the same way of handling conflict so hopefully this next school year will actually be a good one for me roommate-wise. Alex and Amanda will also be just a few doors down from mine and Lacey's room next year so that's very exciting as well :)

This trip was a mother to figure out. First, Lacey had to drive 1.5 hours to Amanda's house. Then her and Amanda drove 2.5 hours to my house. Then we had to wait for my sister's graduation party to end, and then we went 1.5 more hours to Alex's house. This was not an easy trip to figure out. That's for sure. But one of the main reasons we chose to meet at Alex's house was because Lacey had NEVER been to Chicago before. WHAT? Not okay. So we went to Chicago on the 30th and had a blast. We went to the bean to take typical bean pictures, and then to Giordano's for Lacey's first experience at Jesus' favorite restaurant. Which she loved. Obviously. And then we went shopping for a bit.

After shopping we went to Navy Pier. Now, I don't personally understand the fascination with Navy Pier. Like, you get to be near the lake, but I guess that's not a big deal for me since I live 10 minutes from a beach. But Navy Pier is basically a place where you spend way too much money to do touristy things, that don't really matter. In my opinion. Like the ferris wheel. Yeah...it's super pretty but it's $13 per person to wait in line for probably an hour and a half based on the line we saw, and a 3 minute ferris wheel ride... that does not seem worth it to me at all. I don't care if you've never seen Chicago before. You don't need to waste your money on the ferris wheel. Ridiculous.

I was so blessed to be able to spend this time with them this weekend. But with camp, and this past weekend, and now with the second week of camp coming up again this Saturday, I feel like I've been living out of a suitcase the past month. and I HATE that. If you know anything about me, you know that my room is normally in perfect condition, everything is clean and everything has it's place. Well when you're living out of a suitcase guess what doesn't have a place? EVERYTHING. Ugh, it gives me so much anxiety. But I'll get over it I'm sure.

Stay Beautiful <3

Let Go and Let God

Michiana Christian Service Camp this year was a much different experience than any other time I had gone in the past.
This year, I was faculty. I was a camp counselor. I wasn't a camper this year, I was a leader. And it was one of the most nerve-racking experiences I've had in a while.  I was a 20 year old who looked like a 15 year old. Therefore, the campers didn't exactly respect me much the first day. Which is totally understandable. They didn't realize that I was going into my third year of college, and that if they allowed me, I could help them with a lot of stuff based on my past experiences.

The theme of the week was "Our Story" and for the first night the campers were instructed to draw on a small quilt square, things that defined them. Sports, family, friends, hobbies, etc. 

One thing that I noticed a lot of campers had drawn were broken hearts or the words "Broken" on their quilt squares. They may have only drawn 4 or 5 things on this small quilt square, but they had made sure to draw that broken heart. 

And for these kids, a break-up was what defined them. It made me remember my time in high school where I had had my heart broken and it made me think about how much I felt that that had defined who I was. A messy break-up was who you were and there was no escaping it. I had so many opportunities this week to talk with campers who were broken. And it was amazing for me to see God work in their lives this week and transform their hearts.
I can only hope they carried what they learned this week at camp back into their daily lives. 

Something that I learned this week was through a Divine Intervention. I can't imagine how my week would have gone if this hadn't occurred. I started my week on Saturday with a Faculty Training session. The campers weren't arriving until Sunday night, and on Saturday, I felt like a child. Faculty that had been doing this for years knew that I was a newbie, and wanted nothing more than to help me find my way. I was super resistant of their help all Saturday night. Someone would hug me and I would clamp up. Someone would start explaining something that "they learned their first year" and I would zone out. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to learn things on my own without anyone's help.

After Faculty Training was over, I got in the car with one of my friends and he asked me how I was feeling so far. I knew I could be honest with him so I let him know.

I said "I feel like everyone is babying me. I feel like everyone wants to hold my hand and walk me through this, and they don't understand that I got this. I can do it by myself. I know what I'm doing. I can..." 

And before I could finish, he interrupted me and said,

"You are WAY too independent." 

I stared at him in disbelief, because I thought I could be vulnerable around him and tell him how I was really feeling. He repeated himself after I didn't say anything and just stared.

"You are way too independent. Don't you realize that this is your FIRST WEEK as faculty, and people are trying to help you find your way. You don't know everything. And you can't be independent on a faculty team. We're a team." 

I was sooo mad at him for saying that. But later throughout the week, I started seeking faculty members who knew what they were doing and asking them for help and guidance. If my friend hadn't said that to me, I honestly don't think that I would have had a very good experience at camp. 

And to end on a good note, one of my favorite things about camp was waking up and spending my coffee time with Jesus 

(And Lord knows I needed that coffee time everyday; I was absolutely exhausted).

Worshiping, reading the Bible, or even just talking with friends. I had one of the best weeks I've had in a while, and it was all because He was at the center of it.

I can't wait to do it all over again in 2 weeks! 

Stay Beautiful! <3