No Need To Fix What God Has Already Put His Paintbrush On

Self-esteem is something that is really focused on in psychology. Self-esteem is the overall emotion that one feels about one's self-worth. Most people when talking about self-esteem usually connect the words "high self-esteem" for people who are really confident, and "low self-esteem" for people who don't value their self-worth. But I think there's more to the eye than just high and low self-esteem.

For teenage girls, self-esteem can be a daily, or even hourly, struggle. One day you could walk out the door with your hair looking fly, your underroos matching, and your favorite pair of shorts on to make you feel extra fresh. And then you walk into the school, or mall, or restaurant and your self-esteem either increases or decreases depending on the others around you. No one even has to say anything to you.
But if everyone else is looking extra cute around you and you feel like you just rolled out of bed, self-esteem DOWN. 
If you walk into Walmart at half past 1 AM, self-esteem UP. 

And don't even get me started if people make a comment to you.
"What time did you get up today?"
(Oh my gosh, why are they asking that? Is it because I didn't put eyeliner on? Did I forget to brush my hair? Why do they think I just rolled out of bed? I actually spent an hour getting ready this morning.) 
It could be for no reason at all. They're just making conversation. But we immediately think it has to do with our appearance or that they're judging us on some level.

One thing that I've noticed about our generation is that it's so easy to complain about our life or how things aren't going the way we planned, over Facebook or Twitter. Posting pictures of ourselves saying "I look so ugly today" or tweets that say "I might as well give up because I seriously can't find a boyfriend" 

These are not positive messages. These are not going to help you find someone. Until you find self-worth in yourself, no one else is going to either. They need to see YOU loving YOU before they decide they want to as well.

Have you ever met someone that is ridiculously confident (but in a non-cocky way) and you think to yourself, "Wow, she is just glowing with confidence. She knows what she wants and she goes for it." That's the kind of person we should strive for. Confidence is radiant. It literally sets you apart from others. It puts a smile on others faces when they see a confident person doing what she wants and loving life.
Now how about when you see the girl that constantly puts herself out on Twitter as the girl who can't eat anything because she's obviously "too fat" or always talks about how she wishes the boys would notice her.
What comes to mind when you see those posts? "Aw." 
"Aw." in a really sad puppy kind of "aw." It's sad. Until we start to value who WE are, no one else will.

It's okay to have a day where you're just not feeling life. To just sit in your jammies all day and eat ice cream straight out of the carton. It's okay to just sprawl out on the couch and watch as many episodes of Jersey Shore as humanly possible because it makes you feel better about your life. THAT'S OKAY. Just don't constantly put it on social media about how bad your life is. People follow you on Twitter or Facebook because they appreciate you. They like you. They value your life enough to want to hear about it on a daily basis in 140 characters on Twitter. So make it worth their while.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

STAY Beautiful <3

iLove. iPray. iServe.

Back from week two at Michiana Christian Service Camp. This past week was a much different experience than what week one was like for me. I was confident. I knew that I could lead these kids, God willing. I was excited for what God was going to let me teach these kids!

Little did I know...that He would be teaching me more than I was teaching them.

This summer, almost all of my friends are either out of town living life, or are too busy. Which is perfectly fine, and totally normal for college kids. But most of my summer is being spent at home. Besides the two weeks I got to spend at Michiana.

So God has constantly been teaching me that I can do my life by myself. I can go to Walmart by myself, and nobody is going to be judging me that I'm alone. You know why? Because everyone at Walmart is not worried about everyone else. They're worried about where they can find the hair brush they bought two years ago and are wondering if it's still there.

On a different but completely related note, I truly think that before you can find a significant other, you need to be able to hold your own, being single, for quite some time. Because until you're comfortable being alone with yourself, you're never going to be able to be comfortable with yourself with someone else. That just takes it to a whole new level.

So this summer, I've been alone at home. Working, which I am now realizing that if I had all of my friends home like I have in the past, I wouldn't be working as much as I am. I wouldn't be willing to pick up people's shifts. Which is awesome that this is all happening like this because I really need money this summer to save up for the following school year.

God is SO good. 

So I realized all of this at camp this past week. Awesome. 

I also realized that my lack of physical touch towards people is extreme.
I'm not a very open person. I've crossed my arms ever since I can remember. And my family has tried to break me of this. But I don't cross my arms because I'm upset or being rude. I cross them because I'm comfortable.
And because it's a way for me to be closed off, and that,
hopefully, if I'm lucky, no one will approach me for a hug.

I was made fun of so much by my fellow faculty members because I cannot stand being hugged.
And at first, I was really upset that they were all going out of their way to hug me. Because I felt like since I told them, then they would stop. But they took it as an opportunity. An opportunity to help me see that nothing is wrong with hugs. And that sometimes, we need it. 


So I was discussing all of this with my dad yesterday morning. And he came up with a brilliant idea.
He told me,

"Jessica. Why don't you just imagine everyone as babies? When you hold a baby, you become a new person. Your face lights up, and there's nothing in this world that could tear you away from that baby. If the baby spits up on you, you're still smiling because you know that that baby can't help it. If the baby smiles, you smile even bigger. If the baby laughs, you laugh. There's something about a baby's innocence, that if you could just see that in other people, it would help you to relax, and be a more open and accepting individual."



Uh hello...Jesus. This is totally and completely what I needed to hear after coming back from camp. Because my dad is so right. I will go to the ends of the Earth to hold a child if that's what it takes. At camp, there was a baby that did not like to be held by anyone other than mom or dad, but you betcha I took every opportunity I could to try and bond with that baby even if he was kicking in screaming.
Why can't I show that kind of love to teenagers and adults? 



I also drove 45 minutes yesterday after coming home from camp to go see a newborn baby, 5 pounds of pure adorableness, and I've never been more awake and excited as I was then. I was so happy to be holding that baby and could have probably sat there with her for hours. Why can't I sit down with teens or adults and have that same kind of love, compassion, and alertness with them? 






I have never had such a powerful week, of seeing and hearing God consistently throughout my life. He is opening up doors for me that I never thought would open, and is constantly showing me his grace and mercy.

Stay Beautiful <3

Right Down The Middle

This past weekend I had the privilege of spending two days with my three best friends from college! This summer, with all of our crazy schedules with work, family, and distance - there was only one weekend that worked out for the four of us. Right smack in the middle of summer break. June 29-July 1. I probably won't see them again until September, but I'm so glad I got to see them even if it was for only two days. I cannot wait to live with Lacey (See top picture) this next semester. She is so fantastic, and we have the same way of handling conflict so hopefully this next school year will actually be a good one for me roommate-wise. Alex and Amanda will also be just a few doors down from mine and Lacey's room next year so that's very exciting as well :)

This trip was a mother to figure out. First, Lacey had to drive 1.5 hours to Amanda's house. Then her and Amanda drove 2.5 hours to my house. Then we had to wait for my sister's graduation party to end, and then we went 1.5 more hours to Alex's house. This was not an easy trip to figure out. That's for sure. But one of the main reasons we chose to meet at Alex's house was because Lacey had NEVER been to Chicago before. WHAT? Not okay. So we went to Chicago on the 30th and had a blast. We went to the bean to take typical bean pictures, and then to Giordano's for Lacey's first experience at Jesus' favorite restaurant. Which she loved. Obviously. And then we went shopping for a bit.

After shopping we went to Navy Pier. Now, I don't personally understand the fascination with Navy Pier. Like, you get to be near the lake, but I guess that's not a big deal for me since I live 10 minutes from a beach. But Navy Pier is basically a place where you spend way too much money to do touristy things, that don't really matter. In my opinion. Like the ferris wheel. Yeah...it's super pretty but it's $13 per person to wait in line for probably an hour and a half based on the line we saw, and a 3 minute ferris wheel ride... that does not seem worth it to me at all. I don't care if you've never seen Chicago before. You don't need to waste your money on the ferris wheel. Ridiculous.

I was so blessed to be able to spend this time with them this weekend. But with camp, and this past weekend, and now with the second week of camp coming up again this Saturday, I feel like I've been living out of a suitcase the past month. and I HATE that. If you know anything about me, you know that my room is normally in perfect condition, everything is clean and everything has it's place. Well when you're living out of a suitcase guess what doesn't have a place? EVERYTHING. Ugh, it gives me so much anxiety. But I'll get over it I'm sure.

Stay Beautiful <3