No Need To Fix What God Has Already Put His Paintbrush On

Self-esteem is something that is really focused on in psychology. Self-esteem is the overall emotion that one feels about one's self-worth. Most people when talking about self-esteem usually connect the words "high self-esteem" for people who are really confident, and "low self-esteem" for people who don't value their self-worth. But I think there's more to the eye than just high and low self-esteem.

For teenage girls, self-esteem can be a daily, or even hourly, struggle. One day you could walk out the door with your hair looking fly, your underroos matching, and your favorite pair of shorts on to make you feel extra fresh. And then you walk into the school, or mall, or restaurant and your self-esteem either increases or decreases depending on the others around you. No one even has to say anything to you.
But if everyone else is looking extra cute around you and you feel like you just rolled out of bed, self-esteem DOWN. 
If you walk into Walmart at half past 1 AM, self-esteem UP. 

And don't even get me started if people make a comment to you.
"What time did you get up today?"
(Oh my gosh, why are they asking that? Is it because I didn't put eyeliner on? Did I forget to brush my hair? Why do they think I just rolled out of bed? I actually spent an hour getting ready this morning.) 
It could be for no reason at all. They're just making conversation. But we immediately think it has to do with our appearance or that they're judging us on some level.

One thing that I've noticed about our generation is that it's so easy to complain about our life or how things aren't going the way we planned, over Facebook or Twitter. Posting pictures of ourselves saying "I look so ugly today" or tweets that say "I might as well give up because I seriously can't find a boyfriend" 

These are not positive messages. These are not going to help you find someone. Until you find self-worth in yourself, no one else is going to either. They need to see YOU loving YOU before they decide they want to as well.

Have you ever met someone that is ridiculously confident (but in a non-cocky way) and you think to yourself, "Wow, she is just glowing with confidence. She knows what she wants and she goes for it." That's the kind of person we should strive for. Confidence is radiant. It literally sets you apart from others. It puts a smile on others faces when they see a confident person doing what she wants and loving life.
Now how about when you see the girl that constantly puts herself out on Twitter as the girl who can't eat anything because she's obviously "too fat" or always talks about how she wishes the boys would notice her.
What comes to mind when you see those posts? "Aw." 
"Aw." in a really sad puppy kind of "aw." It's sad. Until we start to value who WE are, no one else will.

It's okay to have a day where you're just not feeling life. To just sit in your jammies all day and eat ice cream straight out of the carton. It's okay to just sprawl out on the couch and watch as many episodes of Jersey Shore as humanly possible because it makes you feel better about your life. THAT'S OKAY. Just don't constantly put it on social media about how bad your life is. People follow you on Twitter or Facebook because they appreciate you. They like you. They value your life enough to want to hear about it on a daily basis in 140 characters on Twitter. So make it worth their while.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well." - Psalm 139:14

STAY Beautiful <3

iLove. iPray. iServe.

Back from week two at Michiana Christian Service Camp. This past week was a much different experience than what week one was like for me. I was confident. I knew that I could lead these kids, God willing. I was excited for what God was going to let me teach these kids!

Little did I know...that He would be teaching me more than I was teaching them.

This summer, almost all of my friends are either out of town living life, or are too busy. Which is perfectly fine, and totally normal for college kids. But most of my summer is being spent at home. Besides the two weeks I got to spend at Michiana.

So God has constantly been teaching me that I can do my life by myself. I can go to Walmart by myself, and nobody is going to be judging me that I'm alone. You know why? Because everyone at Walmart is not worried about everyone else. They're worried about where they can find the hair brush they bought two years ago and are wondering if it's still there.

On a different but completely related note, I truly think that before you can find a significant other, you need to be able to hold your own, being single, for quite some time. Because until you're comfortable being alone with yourself, you're never going to be able to be comfortable with yourself with someone else. That just takes it to a whole new level.

So this summer, I've been alone at home. Working, which I am now realizing that if I had all of my friends home like I have in the past, I wouldn't be working as much as I am. I wouldn't be willing to pick up people's shifts. Which is awesome that this is all happening like this because I really need money this summer to save up for the following school year.

God is SO good. 

So I realized all of this at camp this past week. Awesome. 

I also realized that my lack of physical touch towards people is extreme.
I'm not a very open person. I've crossed my arms ever since I can remember. And my family has tried to break me of this. But I don't cross my arms because I'm upset or being rude. I cross them because I'm comfortable.
And because it's a way for me to be closed off, and that,
hopefully, if I'm lucky, no one will approach me for a hug.

I was made fun of so much by my fellow faculty members because I cannot stand being hugged.
And at first, I was really upset that they were all going out of their way to hug me. Because I felt like since I told them, then they would stop. But they took it as an opportunity. An opportunity to help me see that nothing is wrong with hugs. And that sometimes, we need it. 


So I was discussing all of this with my dad yesterday morning. And he came up with a brilliant idea.
He told me,

"Jessica. Why don't you just imagine everyone as babies? When you hold a baby, you become a new person. Your face lights up, and there's nothing in this world that could tear you away from that baby. If the baby spits up on you, you're still smiling because you know that that baby can't help it. If the baby smiles, you smile even bigger. If the baby laughs, you laugh. There's something about a baby's innocence, that if you could just see that in other people, it would help you to relax, and be a more open and accepting individual."



Uh hello...Jesus. This is totally and completely what I needed to hear after coming back from camp. Because my dad is so right. I will go to the ends of the Earth to hold a child if that's what it takes. At camp, there was a baby that did not like to be held by anyone other than mom or dad, but you betcha I took every opportunity I could to try and bond with that baby even if he was kicking in screaming.
Why can't I show that kind of love to teenagers and adults? 



I also drove 45 minutes yesterday after coming home from camp to go see a newborn baby, 5 pounds of pure adorableness, and I've never been more awake and excited as I was then. I was so happy to be holding that baby and could have probably sat there with her for hours. Why can't I sit down with teens or adults and have that same kind of love, compassion, and alertness with them? 






I have never had such a powerful week, of seeing and hearing God consistently throughout my life. He is opening up doors for me that I never thought would open, and is constantly showing me his grace and mercy.

Stay Beautiful <3

Right Down The Middle

This past weekend I had the privilege of spending two days with my three best friends from college! This summer, with all of our crazy schedules with work, family, and distance - there was only one weekend that worked out for the four of us. Right smack in the middle of summer break. June 29-July 1. I probably won't see them again until September, but I'm so glad I got to see them even if it was for only two days. I cannot wait to live with Lacey (See top picture) this next semester. She is so fantastic, and we have the same way of handling conflict so hopefully this next school year will actually be a good one for me roommate-wise. Alex and Amanda will also be just a few doors down from mine and Lacey's room next year so that's very exciting as well :)

This trip was a mother to figure out. First, Lacey had to drive 1.5 hours to Amanda's house. Then her and Amanda drove 2.5 hours to my house. Then we had to wait for my sister's graduation party to end, and then we went 1.5 more hours to Alex's house. This was not an easy trip to figure out. That's for sure. But one of the main reasons we chose to meet at Alex's house was because Lacey had NEVER been to Chicago before. WHAT? Not okay. So we went to Chicago on the 30th and had a blast. We went to the bean to take typical bean pictures, and then to Giordano's for Lacey's first experience at Jesus' favorite restaurant. Which she loved. Obviously. And then we went shopping for a bit.

After shopping we went to Navy Pier. Now, I don't personally understand the fascination with Navy Pier. Like, you get to be near the lake, but I guess that's not a big deal for me since I live 10 minutes from a beach. But Navy Pier is basically a place where you spend way too much money to do touristy things, that don't really matter. In my opinion. Like the ferris wheel. Yeah...it's super pretty but it's $13 per person to wait in line for probably an hour and a half based on the line we saw, and a 3 minute ferris wheel ride... that does not seem worth it to me at all. I don't care if you've never seen Chicago before. You don't need to waste your money on the ferris wheel. Ridiculous.

I was so blessed to be able to spend this time with them this weekend. But with camp, and this past weekend, and now with the second week of camp coming up again this Saturday, I feel like I've been living out of a suitcase the past month. and I HATE that. If you know anything about me, you know that my room is normally in perfect condition, everything is clean and everything has it's place. Well when you're living out of a suitcase guess what doesn't have a place? EVERYTHING. Ugh, it gives me so much anxiety. But I'll get over it I'm sure.

Stay Beautiful <3

Let Go and Let God

Michiana Christian Service Camp this year was a much different experience than any other time I had gone in the past.
This year, I was faculty. I was a camp counselor. I wasn't a camper this year, I was a leader. And it was one of the most nerve-racking experiences I've had in a while.  I was a 20 year old who looked like a 15 year old. Therefore, the campers didn't exactly respect me much the first day. Which is totally understandable. They didn't realize that I was going into my third year of college, and that if they allowed me, I could help them with a lot of stuff based on my past experiences.

The theme of the week was "Our Story" and for the first night the campers were instructed to draw on a small quilt square, things that defined them. Sports, family, friends, hobbies, etc. 

One thing that I noticed a lot of campers had drawn were broken hearts or the words "Broken" on their quilt squares. They may have only drawn 4 or 5 things on this small quilt square, but they had made sure to draw that broken heart. 

And for these kids, a break-up was what defined them. It made me remember my time in high school where I had had my heart broken and it made me think about how much I felt that that had defined who I was. A messy break-up was who you were and there was no escaping it. I had so many opportunities this week to talk with campers who were broken. And it was amazing for me to see God work in their lives this week and transform their hearts.
I can only hope they carried what they learned this week at camp back into their daily lives. 

Something that I learned this week was through a Divine Intervention. I can't imagine how my week would have gone if this hadn't occurred. I started my week on Saturday with a Faculty Training session. The campers weren't arriving until Sunday night, and on Saturday, I felt like a child. Faculty that had been doing this for years knew that I was a newbie, and wanted nothing more than to help me find my way. I was super resistant of their help all Saturday night. Someone would hug me and I would clamp up. Someone would start explaining something that "they learned their first year" and I would zone out. I didn't want to hear it. I wanted to learn things on my own without anyone's help.

After Faculty Training was over, I got in the car with one of my friends and he asked me how I was feeling so far. I knew I could be honest with him so I let him know.

I said "I feel like everyone is babying me. I feel like everyone wants to hold my hand and walk me through this, and they don't understand that I got this. I can do it by myself. I know what I'm doing. I can..." 

And before I could finish, he interrupted me and said,

"You are WAY too independent." 

I stared at him in disbelief, because I thought I could be vulnerable around him and tell him how I was really feeling. He repeated himself after I didn't say anything and just stared.

"You are way too independent. Don't you realize that this is your FIRST WEEK as faculty, and people are trying to help you find your way. You don't know everything. And you can't be independent on a faculty team. We're a team." 

I was sooo mad at him for saying that. But later throughout the week, I started seeking faculty members who knew what they were doing and asking them for help and guidance. If my friend hadn't said that to me, I honestly don't think that I would have had a very good experience at camp. 

And to end on a good note, one of my favorite things about camp was waking up and spending my coffee time with Jesus 

(And Lord knows I needed that coffee time everyday; I was absolutely exhausted).

Worshiping, reading the Bible, or even just talking with friends. I had one of the best weeks I've had in a while, and it was all because He was at the center of it.

I can't wait to do it all over again in 2 weeks! 

Stay Beautiful! <3 

Face-To-Facebook

Okay. We've all been there.

Wake up. Scroll through Facebook. Find absurd thing that So-and-so posted. Screenshot. Send via text to friend with the caption "I'm sorry...WTF?" 

Today was graduation for my little sister. One thing that I noticed while I was there was that I "knew" a lot of the people graduating. No, not personally have I ever had a face to face conversation with them, but perhaps they saw me in a Musical when I was in High School or just knew of me because of my sister. Either way, these people added me on Facebook and now I know a lot about them just by scrolling through my newsfeed everyday. Which is weird.

Do you remember when we were little and the Internet was yet to be a thing? If you wanted to get to know me, you had to talk to me. You had to physically make your way up to me and say "Hey, I'm friends with your sister, my name is Sarah." Or if you found me attractive, instead of just "liking" all of my pictures without ever having a single conversation with me, you'd have to build up the courage to walk up to me and say "Hey, I just wanted to let you know that I think you're really pretty." 

OH, HOW I WISH THAT WAS STILL A THING. I wish boys had to come up and talk to me rather than stalk my Facebook to figure out who I am. Facebook doesn't do me justice. I'm a lot more than a person who has witty statuses now and then.

Another thing with Facebook is that I know every relationship you've been in. Ever. Even that one week relationship you thought was going to last but didn't. I know about it because it showed up on my newsfeed. Facebook is supposed to make us "more connected" with others from our past and present. But you know what it does?

It does succeed at making me "more connected" in the sense that I do know every little thing about you from what you wore yesterday based off your picture, to what you had for breakfast this morning based off your most recent status OOGLING over how good your pancakes were.

But what it doesn't do, is make me want to talk to you in public. Today at graduation, I passed a lot of past classmates. And I had zero desire to go and speak with them. Not because I didn't care, but because my conversations would almost be creepy because I'd constantly already know all of the answers to my questions.

"How is your summer?" 
(ahh shoot, just kidding, I read last week that you got a summer internship so you'll be heading up to Michigan this coming Tuesday)
"How's the family?" 
(just kidding, I know that your grandma had surgery last week and that your dad lost his job) 
"How's school?" 
(Yeaaaah, I know you got a 3.5 GPA this past semester and you're really looking forward to next year) 

I love Facebook because it does keep me connected and up-to-date on what people are doing. In person though, we almost seem disconnected and out of touch with reality. How do we fix this?

Something to think about I guess.

Stay Beautiful <3

There's No Formula

I'm extra organized and routine-oriented.

I'm a feeler, and when I feel that I need to say or do something it comes from the way I feel, not logic.

I'm controlling of situations. 

All of these qualities are my strengths and my weaknesses. I'm starting to realize that these are big reasons why I've yet to be in a relationship since 2011.

Being extra organized and routine-oriented, makes me independent. I don't like the idea of having someone do something nice for me. Because that means that I need them. But I remember several years ago when I was in a relationship, and I really did like the nice things that my significant other would do for me. It showed that he cared.


Being a feeler is also a weakness for putting myself into a relationship because I go strictly on gut-instincts. If I don't "feel" like I should date you, I won't. And since I'm so focused on being independent, I won't date you.

My controlling personality follows closely behind those with always feeling that 
whatever the guy is trying to say, do, convey - I could do it better.

I know I'm not the only one facing these struggles. You may not have all three of these weaknesses hindering your dating life, but you may have one and a few of your own. It helps to talk it out and then breathe and relax. And then realize....

You know when people fall in love (based on what I've seen in movies and whatnot of course)? When you start doing something you love and stop worrying about if someone's watching as you walk.
Or if they notice that you have a pimple directly under your nose.
Or if they can tell you woke up late and had to rush out of the house without putting on chapstick so now your lips definitely look outrageous.

They fall in love once they let everything go. So as you're running out of your house with the same shirt you fell asleep in, know that if you're supposed to meet Mr. or Mrs. Right that day...it's gonna work out regardless. So Breathe. Relax. And Realize.

Stay Beautiful <3

Man In the Mirror

Early this morning, a tragedy struck Marion, Indiana. A 14 year-old girl committed suicide at her middle school during a break from ISTEP testing. If I were to look into any other career besides Child Life, it would be Grief Counseling. Naturally, not knowing much about it - I surfed the internet frantically looking for more information about this poor, beautiful girl. I couldn't find much, except for some threads of parents bashing the school administration for not having a handle on the school's bullying policy.

I think that the teachers do play a part in helping to stop bullying among children but I truly feel that it is more the responsibility of the parents above anyone else. Parents should be talking to their kids about bullying and the effects that can come from it. The popular nursery rhyme that all of us have heard growing up 

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me," 

tells children that physical violence hurts others but words have no effect. I don't know what genius came up with this rhyme, but they were wrong. Words can destroy my self-esteem and self-worth more than anything. You can blame that on the fact that I'm a girl and girls can be extra sensitive to "mere name-calling," but I guarantee that there are plenty of boys too that are deeply burdened by hurtful words.

The things you say make a lasting impression on others. Be careful what you say, because something that you may not have thought was significant, could destroy someone mentally. And before you know it, that person could be gone. Maybe not by suicide, but some other form of tragedy.

And regardless if that tragedy happens to be suicide or not, you're going to think about how you made an impact on that person's life. You're going to think about the last thing you said to that person. Was it kind, thoughtful words? Or did you unintentionally cause them pain? The stop to bullying begins with you. As Michael Jackson says, 

"I'm starting with the man in the mirror. I'm asking him to change his ways. And no message could have been any clearer, because if you wanna make the world a better place, take a look at yourself, and then make a change." 

Taking the extra time to tell someone they look pretty, that their artwork you've seen them doodling in the margins of their class notes are really excellent, that their strength is inspiring, that they're loved... could save a life. 

It starts with you.

I also highly recommend you to watch this video. Yes, it's a little long but it made a lasting impression on me to the point where I've had this bookmarked on my computer for the past 5 months. I've only ever bookmarked 4 other websites. So you know it's worth the watch!

Click Here for the video!

Stay Beautiful <3